recently, i've realized that i doubt myself.. a lot. and i second guess myself.. a lot. there have been situations in my life where i have said "oh i'm not good for this" or "oh, this just isn't gonna work out" when i KNOW--in my heart i guess--that it will work out or i will be good at something. but. . .J U S T I N C A S E something goes wrong in the process. . .just incase i'm not good at that one thing i knew i would be good at.. or just incase that thing doesn't work out, i doubt it all.
i'm not sure when i started but i guess i figured out why. not being able to have something that you want so badly leads to disappointment. thinking you're P E R F E C T for something, when, come to find out, you're just not right for it leads to disappointment. i guess i've been disappointed too many times. so i think my subconscious has put up some sort of defense mechanism to help me avoid it.
i'm proud of myself though.. i guess i'm proud that i've finally realized what i'm doing to myself and i guess now it's time for me to break a habit that i've had for so long.
and this was just something random i’ve been thinking about.