Monday, July 27, 2009

words unsaid .

ever felt like there was so much you wanted to say, but you couldn't get it out at that specific moment in time? and then.. right afterwards, all the words come rushing in at once and it has you thinking, "why didn't i say this? why didn't i tell em this?" then those questions turn into words unsaid because you don't get the chance to speak on it again.

when why didn't i tell you
turns into
i wish i would've told you
and then i wish i would've told you
results in
heart aches
and head aches
from thinking of things
i should've and could've said
this and that
or maybe that or this
now i'm hoping
i get another chance instead
i can reveal these words unsaid

but this wasn't supposed to be a poem, shit. this was just supposed to be some how i'm feeling shit, scribble it down shit.


and i wanna thank you, and YOU

i just wanted to take this time out to thank everyone who's following me :] ( i sound like i'm giving a speech lol but yea. . . ) i hope you guys enjoy my blogs and leave comments here and there if you wanna "SPEAK ON IT" lol. but i truly thank you guys !

xoxo, kansas.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

doubt ; such a bad habit.

& this isn't about the movie, this is about my life ..

recently, i've realized that i doubt myself.. a lot. and i second guess myself.. a lot. there have been situations in my life where i have said "oh i'm not good for this" or "oh, this just isn't gonna work out" when i KNOW--in my heart i guess--that it will work out or i will be good at something. but. . .J U S T I N C A S E something goes wrong in the process. . .just incase i'm not good at that one thing i knew i would be good at.. or just incase that thing doesn't work out, i doubt it all.

i'm not sure when i started but i guess i figured out why. not being able to have something that you want so badly leads to disappointment. thinking you're P E R F E C T for something, when, come to find out, you're just not right for it leads to disappointment. i guess i've been disappointed too many times. so i think my subconscious has put up some sort of defense mechanism to help me avoid it.

i'm proud of myself though.. i guess i'm proud that i've finally realized what i'm doing to myself and i guess now it's time for me to break a habit that i've had for so long.

and this was just something random i’ve been thinking about.



hey everyone! i'm finally able to post a blog. . .so i won't go deep since this is my first post, i'll just be introducing myself. i'm kansas, and this is my blog!

i just finished my website which is ( check it out and tell me what you think of it =] ) but yea. i just finished my website, and i have to set this blog up so it can be pretty. stay tuned for that!

anyway, i'm mostly going to be blogging about my everyday life and randomness. i MAY post my poems on here, but i'm not sure if i want to lol. i mean, i'm no maya angelou, but i my writing is my love and i wouldn't want anyone to bite it and call it their own, you know. so like i said, i may not post my poems but i will post everything from poetic thoughts to random surveys so you can get to know me. i guess this is just my way to release.

i hope you enjoy & leave comments :] and check out my site ( of you haven't already )

xoxo, kansas.